The Devil Is In The Wedding Details

If you read bridal blogs and magazines, there’s a lot of talk of  “details” and “special touches” that brides and wedding planners are using to make 2013 weddings unique to each bridal couple.

Don't let the details get your veil in a twist! It's ok for place cards to be place cards and not art.

Don’t let the details get your veil in a twist! It’s ok for place cards to be place cards and not art.

At the same time, I think the focus on producing creative details can put a lot of pressure on brides especially in this age of Pinterest and so many places to submit beautiful wedding photos for publication. Don’t let the culture of details get into your head- let the unique ideas reveal themselves as you plan. Take a deep breath, and maybe make time online a little less Pinteresting.

Be well, and love well.

Dinah.

 

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Guest Video! British Blogger Matthew Oliver on Kids At The Wedding

Kids at the wedding – an age old debate. British wedding planner Matthew Oliver weighs in quite emphatically in this video. Big Fat Note – we are laughing very hard but not endorsing all of his wickedly funny comments! The kids issue can be handled appropriately either way…but hearing Matthew’s view is more amusing than the indignant kid advocates, whose thoughts can be pretty self righteous.  Check out more of this endearing Brit’s”5 reasons” videos here.

“I swear children have a club, and at the club they talk about ways to ruin a wedding.” – Matthew Oliver

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Coping When Neither The Candlesticks Nor The Happy Couple Dance With Joy At Your Being Their Guest

I posted recently about my hero, Lumiere the candlestick from ‘Beauty and the Beast’, who choreographs elaborate musical numbers to honor his guests. My point was that at its core, the point of party you’re throwing is celebrating with guests, if they are unhappy, something has gone wrong.

Alas, not all couples have gotten the memo.  Amy Dickinson, brilliant syndicated advice columnist and another (non-animated) hero of mine, addressed the issue of dealing with the fallout in her column today.  I repost her wise response to this worried MOB from the Toronto Sun.

Groomzilla plans wedding no one can attend

Amy Dickinson, Advice Guru My Little Flower Shop

Amy Dickinson, Advice Guru and a personal hero

 

   By ,QMI Agency

First posted: | Updated:

DEAR AMY: How can our family move forward from the mess of an overplanned, underattended wedding in Europe? The groom (in his mid-30s) has planned everything and excluded me, mother of the bride, from any of the plans. The bride’s siblings can’t afford (or can’t get vacation days from work) to attend.

Tuxedo Shirt 6-10-08 -- IMG_0638

Involved grooms are a good thing – don’t overgeneralize!

Yesterday, the groom called our son and offered to fly him to Europe for the wedding but made no such offer for the bride’s sisters. Of 200 invited guests, only 40 are expected to attend — no aunts, uncles or cousins. As the bride’s parents, we gave a fixed sum of money for the wedding but now, due to the small gathering expected, the couple will be making money on the deal.

Yesterday, the groom announced that the one family friend who can attend is not invited to the rehearsal dinner, after traveling 6,000 miles. A destination wedding sounds, at first, like a good idea, but when the day nears, it feels exclusionary, hollow and pretentious. As the mother of the bride, I am filled with sadness.

The couple has been engaged for two years, and we feel so burdened by the build-up, the bad decisions, the exclusions, waste and self-centredness of this event. How do families recover from this? I can’t see these relationships ever going back to normal.

I love my daughter very much, but I believe the consequences of this wedding will be the unravelling of our family. Is there any hope? — Heartbroken

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You aptly describe the challenges when couples pour all of their attention into trying to create a fantasy day while causing real-world problems. Often these couples return home after their fantasy weddings seriously let down by the reality of marriage and family.

You and your husband should meet with the couple. Do not pile on and accuse them of creating a hollow and pretentious event, but do ask that they commit some of the money you contributed to helping family members attend the wedding.

Otherwise you should accept that this is not what you would have planned and not what you want (and perhaps not what the couple wants at this point, either). If your daughter is completely dominated by a “groomzilla” who is demanding and disrespectful, she is going to need your support moving forward. You may also have to accept that you and she have very different values.

Though this event might rend the fabric of your family, don’t make the mistake of assuming it will unravel.

 

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My Little Marital Bliss Shop: Never Stop Dating

Cadillac CTS Coupé Concept

Cadillac CTS Coupé Concept (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Who’s dating your man? It had better be you honey boo boo child, before, during AND after the wedding.  He was beguiled by your charm and fun personality, and fell in love on dates with you. Keep the initial spark alive by still going out regularly- and I don’t mean some kind of obligatory once-a-week dinner that you drag yourselves through. Snooze fest. Think about what you really enjoy doing together, or separately, and have some adventures! You can go as far as a weekend get-away, or stay as close as your own kitchen, but be creative.

Recently I told my husband we were going on a mystery outing. He had no idea where, but loved trying to guess!  He’d been talking for the last few weeks about wanting to test-drive a Cadillac CTS Coupe, so I had found a local dealer, and we went on a “Sunday Drive” to go take a look.  He was very surprised that I would even come up with such a thing, and was thrilled to pieces. The date was a hit because it was something he was really into, and it warmed his heart that I had been listening.

If your imagination is running a little slow these days, The Dating Divas have a website chock full of ideas to spice things up. (No, not that way. Get your mind out of the gutter). They have themed dates, bargain dates, at-home dates for after the kids go to bed… you get the idea.  So go out and get dating!

Be well, and love well.

Dinah

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Who Should the Bride Be On Her Wedding Day? Herself!

Often brides have a tough time figuring out what they want to look like on the big day.  Sweet, or seductive? Classic, or modern?  Here’s the key.  You want to look like yourself!  Your groom fell in love and proposed to you because of who you are – don’t present some exotic version of yourself on the day of the wedding because of some fashion trend or pressure to create dramatic photographs.

Here are three important questions to ask yourself about your look on the big day including your bridal hairstyle, wedding dress, and make-up.

  • Are you comfortable?  Looking like you walked off a Paris runway isn’t worth having your dress duct taped to you and your hair pulled so tight it gives you a migraine.  Most of us don’t live in cultures where it’s a badge of honor to get bruises from your elaborate wedding dress, so find something that fits well, and feels good!
  • Will your fiancé recognize you?  Do you look like a glammed up version of yourself, or like someone you’ve never met?  Your man wants to see someone familiar underneath all the trappings of bride-dom.  Keep in mind you’re dressing up for him after all!
  • Don’t go for broke.  Debt is not cute.  If you can’t afford a hair and make-up team, or a $5,000 dress, don’t charge up a storm on credit cards.  If your look is important to you, compromise on other budget items to make sure you have the resources you need, or investigate ways around the expenses like bartering for services, or renting a designer gown.

If you stay true to yourself, keep your wits about you, and follow your heart, you’re sure to be a beautiful, comfortable, solvent bride!

Be well, and love well.

Dinah

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It’s 8:00am. Do You Know Where Your “Me Time” Is?

Sometimes, before the alarm clock goes off in the morning, I wake up on my own.  It’s a good feeling, knowing that I’ve gotten the right amount of sleep that I needed that night.  But by far the best part is looking at the clock and seeing that it’s a full hour before I am supposed to be awake and getting ready for the day.  An hour I can use however I want, with no strings attached.

English: The face of a black windup alarm clock

English: The face of a black windup alarm clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Because I wasn’t meant to be awake, I feel like a kid in a candy store choosing how to spend what I call “stolen time.”  I force myself to cross folding laundry or paying bills off the list, and do something delicious – like reading some of that novel I can’t ever seem to get to, or painting my toenails.  Or both!

Everyone needs “me time.”  OK, the phrase is corny and overused, but the concept is WAY underused.  Make sure you make time for yourself, even if you have to steal it!

Be well, and love well.

-Dinah

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The Not So Accidental Tourist

My Little Flower Shop LOVES tourists.  We rejoice when we see families consulting maps, large groups of people wearing matching visors, or most importantly, a “tourist” bride coming to have her destination wedding in Palm Springs.  We are also big advocates of being unashamed of tourist-y behavior while travelling.  See the sights! Take pictures! Consult your maps!

So this summer, why not be a tourist at home? I’ll bet you dollars to donuts there are attractions or historic sites nearby that you either have never seen, or not visited in 10+ years.  Goodness knows here in Southern California it would take a lifetime to do all the possible day trips.

One of our beautiful brides, Stephanie Orson, at her wedding venue /local sight to see: the lavender fields. (Highland Springs Resort, photo by Alan Gough)

Even if you can’t leave your city, town or neighborhood, investigate a little.  Find the tourist office for your city, and see what the “highlights” are.  You’ll be surprised what you’ve been missing all these years.  Architectural gems,  birthplaces of interesting people…there’s a lot out there.

What are you waiting for? Dust off your matching visors and head out on a homegrown adventure.

Live well, and love well.

-Dinah

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The 4th of July Non-Weekend. Bad for Brides? Good for Guests? You decide.

Ah the calendar.  Tomorrow, the 4th of July falls on a WEDNESDAY for the first time in many years.  For those with office jobs whose vacation days are comparable to certain rare truffles in the food world, this is a big deal. There are calculations by which you can take only a few days off, and yet stretch your vacation and/or wedding weekend to five days, all with the aid of a well placed Monday or Friday out of the office.  Thanksgiving is the ultimate centerpiece to the art of stretching PTO: you can take a full seven days and only “spend” three.

English: OAK HARBOR, Wash. (July 4, 2011) Memb...

OAK HARBOR, Wash. (July 4, 2011) Members of the color guard assigned to Naval Air Station Whidbey Island march down Bayshore Drive during the Fourth of July Parade.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But this year (darned Gregorians) Fourth of July isn’t participating.  And some are breathing a sigh of relief.  Hint: it’s not the brides.  People who might have attended weddings this holiday, are attending barbeques.  And parades.  And celebrating Independence Day well, independently.  There are many people who don’t want to have their summer plans set for them by receiving a “save the date” in February and being expected to clear their calendars.

As a bride, it’s hard to see outside the bubble where your wedding is the Most Important Thing In The World, but sometimes people have fun things scheduled at the same time or want to have that option.  And that’s OK. (Well your sister really ought to keep her schedule open, but let the rest of your list plan their own vacations, and lead their own lives. It’s not anybody’s fault, and there shouldn’t be any lasting drama or upset about who had something else going on that day ).

All thoughts running through my head on a summer’s day… enjoy your barbeques tomorrow.  And the weddings that are happening this weekend!  Remember, you can always have sparklers no matter what time of year it is*  And no matter who comes, or what the season, your wedding will light up with joy and memories for everyone.

Live well, and love well.

Dinah

 

* please check the fire regulations in your area and at your venue!

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Why I love “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.” Hey TLC, We Want To Plan One! Call Us!

By now most people have heard about the raucous, Swarovski crystal-covered Gypsy wedding extravaganzas shown on TLC not just on their appointed night, but pretty much any time you turn on the TV.  Some people can’t take it, they have to turn it off. Others are fascinated, like they are watching a bad traffic accident and they can’t look away.  As for us, well, we want an invitation.

Weddings are full of joy in any community. Who’s to say they should be prim and proper? We lecture over and over again that brides should have the wedding they want, not what they see in the magazines or what’s “fashionable” just for the sake of it. Those magazines also say “be yourself!” and “It’s your day – make it what you want!” These families are realizing their vision, and it’s no one’s place to judge what they think is meaningful or beautiful.  We love these weddings (and the dresses, and the cakes, and all of what the conventional thinkers would call “over the top” details) for the energy and the feeling behind it. Here’s a community that’s marching to the beat of its own drum. And what a parade!

So TLC, we know you’re casting brides.  How ’bout letting some vendors in on the action?  We’ll hang a banner- My Little Gypsy Flower Shop. Have Swarovski, will travel.

Live well, and love well.

-Dinah

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What The Heck Is “Bespoke” Anyway? Besides Expensive?

Marketing these days has gotten very, as my grandmother would say, fancy-fancy.  Companies, wedding related and otherwise, have started using a new vocabulary to distinguish themselves. I’ve seen these four cropping up all over the place, and finally decided to haul out the dictionary.  OK, so I looked on Wikipedia. In any case, here are explanations of the words being used to describe products and businesses that are made by artists, unique, custom and rare.

ARTISANAL:

An artisan or artizan (from Italian: artigiano) is a skilled manual worker who makes items that may be functional or strictly decorative, including furniture, clothing, jewelry, household items, and tools or even machines. An artisan is therefore a person engaged in or occupied by the practice of a craft, who may through experience and talent reach the expressive levels of an art in their work and what they create.

By this definition, all of our wedding flowers are ‘bespoke’ as our brides are fully involved, and each design is custom and unique. Our designers’ bouquets are truly masterpieces.

BESPOKE:

Bespoke is an English word meaning an item made to a buyer’s specification (personalized or tailored). While it is applied to many items, the term historically was applied only to men’s tailored clothing, implying measurement and fitting.  The distinguishing points of bespoke tailoring are the buyer’s total control over the fabric used, the features and fit, and the way the garment should be made. More generally, “bespoke” describes a high degree of “customization”, and involvement of the end-user, in the production of the goods.

BOUTIQUE:

A boutique is a small shopping outlet, especially one that specializes in elite and fashionable items such as clothing and jewelry. The word is French for “shop”, via Latin from Greek (apothēkē), “storehouse.” The term entered into everyday English use in the late 1960s. It can also refer to a specialized firm such as a boutique investment bank or boutique law firm. The word is often used to describe an independent hotel in order to distinguish themselves from larger chains. In such cases the establishments aim to convey the idea that the operation is elite and highly specialized.

COUTURE:

Haute couture (French for “high sewing” or “high dressmaking” or “high fashion”; refers to the creation of exclusive custom-fitted clothing. Haute couture is made to order for a specific customer, and it is usually made from high-quality, expensive fabric and sewn with extreme attention to detail and finished by the most experienced and capable seamstresses, often using time-consuming, hand-executed techniques. “Couture” means dressmaking, sewing, or needlework[1] and is also used as a common abbreviation of haute couture and refers to the same thing in spirit.[2] “Haute” means elegant or high. A haute couture garment is made specifically for the wearer’s measurements and body stance.[1]

In the end, it’s not about the keywords- it’s about the work, the product, and the service. No matter what you call yourself, if you get those right, you can apply the best word of all to your business: successful.

 

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