The 4th of July Non-Weekend. Bad for Brides? Good for Guests? You decide.

Ah the calendar.  Tomorrow, the 4th of July falls on a WEDNESDAY for the first time in many years.  For those with office jobs whose vacation days are comparable to certain rare truffles in the food world, this is a big deal. There are calculations by which you can take only a few days off, and yet stretch your vacation and/or wedding weekend to five days, all with the aid of a well placed Monday or Friday out of the office.  Thanksgiving is the ultimate centerpiece to the art of stretching PTO: you can take a full seven days and only “spend” three.

English: OAK HARBOR, Wash. (July 4, 2011) Memb...

OAK HARBOR, Wash. (July 4, 2011) Members of the color guard assigned to Naval Air Station Whidbey Island march down Bayshore Drive during the Fourth of July Parade.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But this year (darned Gregorians) Fourth of July isn’t participating.  And some are breathing a sigh of relief.  Hint: it’s not the brides.  People who might have attended weddings this holiday, are attending barbeques.  And parades.  And celebrating Independence Day well, independently.  There are many people who don’t want to have their summer plans set for them by receiving a “save the date” in February and being expected to clear their calendars.

As a bride, it’s hard to see outside the bubble where your wedding is the Most Important Thing In The World, but sometimes people have fun things scheduled at the same time or want to have that option.  And that’s OK. (Well your sister really ought to keep her schedule open, but let the rest of your list plan their own vacations, and lead their own lives. It’s not anybody’s fault, and there shouldn’t be any lasting drama or upset about who had something else going on that day ).

All thoughts running through my head on a summer’s day… enjoy your barbeques tomorrow.  And the weddings that are happening this weekend!  Remember, you can always have sparklers no matter what time of year it is*  And no matter who comes, or what the season, your wedding will light up with joy and memories for everyone.

Live well, and love well.

Dinah

 

* please check the fire regulations in your area and at your venue!

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Why I love “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.” Hey TLC, We Want To Plan One! Call Us!

By now most people have heard about the raucous, Swarovski crystal-covered Gypsy wedding extravaganzas shown on TLC not just on their appointed night, but pretty much any time you turn on the TV.  Some people can’t take it, they have to turn it off. Others are fascinated, like they are watching a bad traffic accident and they can’t look away.  As for us, well, we want an invitation.

Weddings are full of joy in any community. Who’s to say they should be prim and proper? We lecture over and over again that brides should have the wedding they want, not what they see in the magazines or what’s “fashionable” just for the sake of it. Those magazines also say “be yourself!” and “It’s your day – make it what you want!” These families are realizing their vision, and it’s no one’s place to judge what they think is meaningful or beautiful.  We love these weddings (and the dresses, and the cakes, and all of what the conventional thinkers would call “over the top” details) for the energy and the feeling behind it. Here’s a community that’s marching to the beat of its own drum. And what a parade!

So TLC, we know you’re casting brides.  How ’bout letting some vendors in on the action?  We’ll hang a banner- My Little Gypsy Flower Shop. Have Swarovski, will travel.

Live well, and love well.

-Dinah

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A Question Of Faith. When Should Religion Enter The Dating Picture?

Picture taken at at Masters of Lindy Hop and T...

Somewhere between dancing and the movies, it's good to touch base with someone you're dating about their thoughts on religion and its place in relationships. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So the Easter baskets are put away, and matzah munching will wrap up in a few days ( The Jewish holiday of Passover requires eating no leavened bread for a week, but substituting crackers called “matzah”). So issues of religion and faith are fresh in our minds.  Religion and romance sometimes create complicated situations.

Many people think that religion doesn’t matter when you’re “just dating.” But is that really true? After all isn’t the point of dating to find someone who you want to “get serious” with? And after serious come weekends away, meeting parents, and family holidays and all of a sudden there you are on a hill at sunset with a sparkler on your left hand.  Is after the ring hits your finger, but before you say “yes” the point you want to find out your darling dearest expects you to be baptized before your wedding day?

Changing religions, or becoming an atheist, is no small matter. Most faiths require classes, and individual and/or couples’ counseling. This is not changing your clothes, it’s changing who you are. Is that something you are prepared to ask of someone? Or to undertake yourself?

Perhaps it’s not actually when to talk about religion that needs rethinking, but what “dating” means, which after all is a much more complicated question.  So however you choose to resolve this important point get going on some meaningful communication between you and this person you’re starting to enjoy spending time with. Like with the relationship – start a conversation and see where it takes you.  Hopefully you’ll be headed to that hill at sunset, where you’ll have all the info you need to say “yes!”

 

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Now That’s What I Call A Wedding Crasher

You’ll see stories from time to time about a couple who had an unexpected guest show up at their wedding – but not in such a bad way. If your uninvited plus one or two is a celebrity, somehow that turns a nightmare into a crazy, fun wedding memory.  There’s a couple who had Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez come strolling down the beach into their tented reception, and then a lovely English couple who found the cast and crew of “The Iron Lady” attending their ceremony. (At least Meryl Streep is well raised – she brought a gift).

But by far, this weekend’s instance of a celeb turning up unexpected (though not uninvited) is one that will be tough to top. This couple invited Queen Elizabeth to their wedding as a bit of a lark, never expecting her to come.  Indeed, they received a polite decline.  But lo and behold, on wedding day, Her Majesty and Prince Philip dropped by to wish the couple well. Now that’s a crash to end all crashes! And such a cute hat, too.
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Just goes to show, you’ve got to think outside the stationery box.  Want The Clintons at your wedding? Cher? Send the invitation. You never know who’s going to take you up on it.  But that also goes for people who get the “obligatory invitations” that you might rather not see.

The take-away: don’t send an invitation to people you can’t stand OR that are beyond your social circle thinking “they’ll never come” because they just might surprise you. Good advice all around, if it’s applied to Barry Manilow, or Uncle Eugene. You’re rolling the dice, and you might end up with a floorshow, but you’re also risking a monologue about the war years in Moldavia.

Be well, and love well!

Dinah

 

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Go to the Head of the Class – The Country’s Classiest Event Inspiration

There is no place that has classier events than the Obama White House.  The Duchess of Cambridge is sure to catch up sooner or later as an entertaining powerhouse. Being future queen of England, and a past event planner she’s uniquely qualified to surpass even Jacqueline Kennedy in the realm of entertaining world leaders.  But for the moment, she’s busy training her puppy not to eat trash, so the Obamas will have to carry the mantle.

While they do, official White House photographers are taking luscious photos of all the details.  You can catch great shots of state dinners, individually plated dishes, and other social and foodie events on the official WH blog:

http://obamafoodorama.blogspot.com/

The White House website also has photo galleries full of state dinners, receptions and luncheons that inspire.

So go on, class it up!

The Hon. Barack Obama and Michelle Obama

The Hon. Barack Obama and Michelle Obama (Photo credit: AN HONORABLE GERMAN)

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Friends Don’t Let Friends go Into Debt To Be A Bridesmaid

It’s your day, Bride, no question about it.  But take time to think about your friends and their circumstances.  Chances are you know all too well how expensive it can get being a bridesmaid, or even just being a friend-of-the-bride, what with showers, bachelorettes, wedding gifts…it adds up.  Here are some “dos and don’ts” for keeping your friends feelings and finances in mind.

DON’T

  • Keep Up With The Jolies.  Yes, we all read the magazines of celebrity excesses and glamorous getaways, but celebrate in a way all your gals can afford.  Does your entire gaggle of girls need to go to Puerto Rico for a long bachelorette weekend? Does your shower need to be at the Ritz? Keep your expectations within everyone’s budget.
  • Have a Surprise Party.  No one likes expensive surprises.  When your maids find out on wedding day that they owe $150 plus tip for hair and make-up (that is “optional,” but everyone else is doing it), you can’t expect they’ll be feeling celebratory.

Nora and Julie - the world's greatest bridesmaids

DO

  • Be choosy (in a good way). Pay attention when choosing your wedding party.  Did your cousin just get laid off? Does your best friend have college loans up the wazoo? If you think someone might feel less than honored – ask her in a neutral way that allows a graceful “out.”
  • Adopt an attitude of gratitude! Thank everyone.  This seems like a no-brainer, but tell everyone how much you appreciate the love and support.  The more your friends hear this during the lead up to your wedding, the better the experience will be for everyone!

 There you have it.  Keep your friendships together, and everyone’s wallet (relatively) intact.

 Be well, and love well!

 -Dinah

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Go Ahead! Be My Guest! Oh Wait…Can I Take That Back?

My blog the other day linking to the information on how to get an official White House greeting for your wedding also brought up the rest of that day’s post about managing one’s guest list.  We all have to do our best to be diplomatic, but let’s just all take a moment today and say a prayer of thanks that we have more control over our guest lists than the White House has over theirs. Wishing all the best to the event planners in charge of the Governor’s Association dinner this week, and to those working on the Governor’s Ball at tonight’s Academy Awards!

Brides: Ready, Set, List!

How does one take control of the roster? Besides hiring the experts at My Little Flower Shop to keep you calm, cool and collected, here are 5 favorite tips to keep in mind.

List early, and often

Don’t wait to start making a guest list.  Most likely, we don’t have to tell you this – a lot of brides start a list even before they get engaged.  Nevertheless, for the less future-focused, it’s good to have a starting point. So just start by writing down anyone you can think of that you might want to invite.

Never say never

Once it’s time to start narrowing the pool, don’t invite people assuming “they won’t come.” Even those relatives in Malta your family hasn’t seen for 2 generations might be so touched by the invitation that they decide to get on a plane.

Life on the B list

Despite all the refrigerator magnets, the emails and the skywriting, there are still some people who will have other plans on your wedding day.  You’ve got a limited period of time to fill in, so you haven’t a moment to lose.  Have a back-up list of guests at the ready, addresses and all, so you can fire off invitations as the regrets come in.

Embrace your inner beancounter

Spreadsheets can be beautiful things. You’ll be so happy you started keeping everything in an orderly fashion. One gal we know says the address spreadsheet is her favorite thing that came out of the wedding. They’ve used it for everything  from kids birthday parties to holiday letter personalization. (It was a perfect opportunity to ask to be removed from her holiday letter list, but I just couldn’t. Bless her heart).

Just because you went to hers…

This is not Kindergarten. It’s $125-a-plate-gourmet-brunch-in-the-garden. Every girl you’ve ever seen walk down the aisle doesn’t by default belong on your list. Grown ups know this. If this culls immature friends from your life, lucky you.

Always invite the president

This is one case where you really can assume that they won’t come. But, if you send an invitation to the White House, you’ll get a special greeting back in honor of your wedding. Pretty darned cool. 

The Honorable Barack Obama and Mrs. Obama
The White House
Greetings Office Room 39
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500

A wedding greeting from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

On the subject of the White House and weddings, can we just go on record that Prince William is unbelieveably rude? And that you can put a big old tiara on that Kate chick but she’ll never be as regal as Michelle Obama? But I digress.

It all boils down to this: Focus on who you two really want to smile at on your way back up the aisle. An informal poll of the MLFS staff revealed that is highly likely to be one of the happiest moments of your life. Who do you want to share that with? Go forth and list!

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We’re Kvelling! Greg on TV!

Look at our boss, taking the news by storm!

Cupid’s Come A Knockin’, Go Open The Door!

Well, it’s that time of year again.  Valentine’s Day. The terrible romantic comedies are on their way to the theaters (Reese Witherspoon being fought over by two CIA agents? Really)? And the jewelry stores ads for heart shaped pendants are in heavy rotation.  But you haven’t noticed.  Who’s watching TV? Or going to he movies? There are invitations to look at,  and flower girl dresses to order and you must keep an eye on Aunt Sue who keeps trying to invite her entire bridge club to your bachelorette spa weekend.

Pick up your head for a minute.  Valentine’s Day.  Love? Romance? The reason you’re wearing that sparkly little number on your left hand in the first place?  February 14 is a day (and a few days around it) to pay attention to your relationship rather than your wedding.  And I don’t care if the thing is next weekend, you still need to take some time, look that man in the eyes, and CONNECT.  No wedding talk allowed.  No guest lists, no groomsmen’s gifts, no nothing.

So ladies, when Cupid comes a knockin’, you open that door and let in the LOVE.

Go plan a Rockin’ Valentine’s Day!

-Dinah

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Minding our Ps, Our Qs, and Occasionally, Our Beeswax

English: Detail of a New York Times Advertisem...

All the etiquette that's fit to print!

“Sunday Styles” is my favorite section of the New York Times. (No big mystery – that’s where all the wedding coverage is). It’s also home to the wise and fabulous Philip Galanes, writer of the ever-pithy “Social Qs” column, and now a Social Qs book. New material for the etiquette library!

I’ve used his columns as jumping off points before – like this chat about a sticky invitation situation, and so in honor of his new book, here’s a Social Q brides would be well advised to take!

R.S.V.P.? M.Y.O.B.

A friend asked why I don’t attend a weekly television-watching party at the home of a mutual acquaintance. I didn’t want to tell the truth: “I’m not invited.” I didn’t want to embarrass him or give the impression that I’m offended at being excluded. I’m not. How to reply?

Talya, Brooklyn

If your friend had thought about it for a millisecond, he might have realized there was a chance you hadn’t been asked. Note to the invited: Never assume that other folks were. You may hurt their feelings.

But that’s not the case here. So, be straightforward: “John didn’t invite me. But that’s O.K. I’m not much of a fan of ‘Toddlers (and Mascara and False Eyelashes) and Tiaras.’ ” If your pal feels a little red-faced, so be it. He may learn not to do it again.

Heed Philip’s call brides, maids, moms and friends.  With weddings turning into epic celebrations with pre-parties galore, if someone’s at the shower, it doesn’t mean she’ll be at the bachelorette, or the brunch after the wedding.  Hush up about who’ll be where lest you put your foot in your mouth.

Cheers to Philip on the new book, and here’s to all of us minding our Ps and Qs.

-Dinah