My Little Etiquette Shop: Lessons Learned at…a funeral?

Last week was quite a week. A fair bit of time was given to supporting a grieving family who lost their mother, our neighbor.

Her funeral brought out my contemplative side.  The service was unique, in that the rabbi thought he was a stand up comedian.  At first I braced myself: this was a train wreck.  Knowing he wasn’t someone who knew the family well, but had met with them briefly the day before, I dreaded where he was going with his goofy humor.  However, bit by bit, he charmed everyone in the room (myself included) with his puns, and the way he spoke more about the people present than the one who was gone. He really brought her to life in the way he “riffed” on each meaningful relationship, right down to mock-lecturing her son’s boss saying, “keep an eye on him.”

I love and respect Jewish culture, our wedding was quite traditional. But, as an employee at a floral design studio, and lover of flowers I am comforted by flowers at funerals, which are contrary to Jewish tradition. (I’ll let wiser folk explain).  One woman at the service brought flowers, completely innocently.  The same jovial rabbi spoke a little too sharply to her for my taste about the fact that they were “not allowed.”  From the row behind her, it looked like she felt bad. I often mangle Emily Post’s famous quote about how keeping people comfortable around you makes your behavior proper, no matter what. We’ll make the exact quote lesson 1 from yesterday, followed by the other two.

1) Mind your manners “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” -Emily Post.  Don’t make people feel bad, especially in a sensitive situation like a funeral. <ahem Rabbi…>

2) Trust a professional to do their job. That Rabbi wasn’t going to risk corny humor if he didn’t know where he was going with it, and that he would be able to touch people. Have a little faith, and even when things seem like they are going wrong, they are most likely going to turn in the right direction.

2) Laugh when you want to cry. This is of course a very serious application of that principle.  But it applies in so many situations. If you reflexively tear up in response to a bizarre/awful/terrible/shocking event in your life, take a deep breath, and try to reframe. There’s got to be something funny about what happened. You just have to find that piece of it and let it tickle you.  It takes the air out of almost anything, and you can begin to put the pieces back together.

Have a happy, grateful week everyone! Count your blessings.

Be well, and love well.

Dinah

 

 

What Really Counts At My Little Flower Shop? Giving Back.

What a week! As many of you know, El Jefe, the Big Man On Campus, our Fearless Leader, AKA Gregory Goodman, turned 50 on Wednesday.  There was quite a celebration.  Alan, Head Designer, and all around terrific husband, made sure Greg’s party at The Fix on El Paseo was classy, fun and beautifully decorated.  Friends came to celebrate from near and far, and the cake was phenomenal, as one might have known since The Fix is attached to The Pastry Swan’s retail location. Oooh, I can still taste that cake.

Al raises a glass to his gorgeous 50th birthday arrangement at Fix

But as Greg told me later, something else also meant a lot to him that day.  He helped a friend decorate a table** at her daughter’s high school graduation. He said “It wasn’t a big deal – some mirrors, and a couple things styled in a fun way” but he went on to explain he felt it had been for a girl who really achieved something.  “She and her family worked hard for that diploma. And her family was so proud – and I was too, and I got to help that happen with what I love to do.”  So for Gregory, an important gift he got on Wednesday was, in fact, one he gave away: help, support and encouragement to someone else.

It got me thinking – Greg gives a lot, to a lot of people. And that’s the secret to his happiness and positive attitude. He gave me and Stephen 150% of his time, energy and love when we got married in 2010. And he gives that kind of focus to all his brides; I’ve seen the tough businessman cry at many a wedding he attends. He’s given second chances. I’ve known him to hire people that many businesses wouldn’t, and to get great work (and great loyalty) out of them. He gives so much to the Wedding Warriors – and to making sure his friends and associates get business from his clients. The guests at his party certainly reflected that. He always shares his success.

So that’s what I’m thinking about today. Gregory’s birthday gift of giving. And it reminds me that there is always a gift to be given that is from the heart. And sometimes it’s just showing up, and doing what you love.

Be well, and love well.

-Dinah

* We would have liked to include a photo of the table. Unfortunately we used a linen from TE Couture Linen that we had in the shop as a sample, and they were upset. We would like to use this space to publicly apologize, we are sorry they were unhappy that we did not make advance arrangements for a contract to donate use of the tablecloth sample. We regret that they have chosen to no longer do business with My Little Flower Shop, and hope to remedy that situation.

 

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Healthy Eating Advice For Wedding Guests: Weight Watchers Weighs In

So did you think Weight Watchers only had an article with ideas for the bride? Oh no. They’ve got guests’ backs too. Here’s the skinny on staying skinny AND enjoying yourself at all those summer weddings.  And remember – the Chicken Dance burns LOTS of calories, especially when danced with your Uncle Lou.
reposted from Weight Watchers.com
Article By: Vicki Salemi
Wedding Guest Survival Guide

It’s that time of year again. Brides and grooms are in full bloom — and so are the buffets, Viennese tables and wedding cake pieces with a PointsPlus® value of 10. But weddings are also ripe with opportunities for socializing, dancing the night away, and having a fabulous time.

When it comes to the cocktail hour, Weight Watchers member Lauri Carbone, North Wales, PA, has it down to a science. She should know — as a wedding photographer, she is surrounded by reception food temptations every weekend.

“I always keep a healthy snack in my camera bag like carrots so I can munch during down time and try to fill up as much as possible before the crab cakes and mashed potatoes come out,” she says. “I also try to keep my hands busy with my camera around the food, so instead of grabbing for some cheese, I take a photo of it. And then I look at it later, longingly, but proud that I didn’t succumb to the deliciousness that is cheese.”

Another strategy, according to Weight Watchers member Janice Litvin of Walnut Creek, CA, is not so much what she does at the wedding, but rather what she does beforehand.

“I don’t go to an event hungry,” she says. “I always eat a snack like a big piece of fruit before I go and make sure to save PointsPlus values from that day by eating a lighter lunch so I can consume extra PointsPlus values at the wedding.”

Size up the skewers
For Lifetime Member Ellen Pulda from Needham, MA, her survival toolkit is all about scoping out the situation. “Don’t go for the first stuffed mushroom you see,” she advises. “Watch the hors d’ouevres parade pass by, then make your decision. Stick to the sushi, skewered chicken and avoid the wrapped (i.e., egg rolls, pigs in a blanket) items.”

When it’s time for the sit-down meal, Pulda relies on her husband to help her through the meal. She suggests, “Sit next to a dinner companion who’s happy to take half your meal. My husband typically gets my starches and half my entrée. Pass up the bread basket. At functions — unless it’s a fancy French restaurant — it’s usually not worth it.”

Dinner, drinks and dancing, oh my!
“Seltzer is your friend,” says Rita Smircich (Westport, CT), Lifetime Member, wedding planner, and author of To Do Before “I Do” (Lulu, 2007). “Although this might sound drab, it’s amazing what you can do with seltzer! Even if a bit of liquor was added, it won’t make for many calories. A variety of juices, such as cranberry or pineapple, can be added for a refreshing drink.”

Judith Lederman from Scarsdale, NY, editor of Westchester Weddings Magazine and author of Joining the Thin Club: Tips for Toning Your Mind AFTER You’ve Trimmed Your Body (Three Rivers Press, 2007), reminds us that weddings are not about the food. “Remember, you can get food anywhere, anytime, but the opportunity to mix and mingle and see people you haven’t seen in ages — that only comes about on rare occasions!”

She adds, “Dancing burns calories — stay on the dance floor and get aerobic. I danced at my son’s wedding last night and didn’t even stop to eat the wedding food. I had a protein shake tucked away in the bridal room and drank it between dances.”

DIY desserts
Some guests prefer the do-it-yourself treat. Ranae Whitmore lost weight over the past two years by making healthy food choices, implementing moderate exercise and changing her thought processes. The Des Moines, IA native explains, “Rather than being tempted by the lovely wedding cake, I bring my own 100-calorie pack of Hostess cupcakes or a frozen Weight Watchers dessert and ask the servers if they will kindly plate it for me on the same fancy plates the wedding cake is being served on. It makes me feel special to be ‘good to me’ and at the same time feel like everyone else being served on fine china!”

Linda Lockett Brown, RD, from Orange Park, FL, says it’s important to be kind to yourself if you indulge. “Don’t become riddled with guilt because you chose to eat a piece of cake,” she says.

Treat yourself well
As you’re enjoying the celebration, it’s important to remember it’s just one night, one meal and one piece of rich cake. Author Smircich adds, “When people are going to a wedding, they know that there is going to be good food and plenty of it. If they want to eat buttercream wedding cake, then they may need to save their PointsPlusvalues during the week. [Then] at the wedding, eat the salad without dressing, avoid the heavy cream sauce, [don’t] eat the bread on the table and [don’t] ask for a second piece of cake.”

Above all, Litvin notes, “If you want to eat something, eat it. If you say no to yourself for too long, you are more likely to [break down]. So try that piece of cake or piece of candy — just remember to write it down. As my Leader always says, ‘Just get right up the next morning, wipe off the crumbs, and begin your day anew.'”

About the Writer
Vicki Salemi is a freelance writer based in New York.

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